SCA7 Through My Eyes

We have trials or hard things that happen in our lives to help us learn and grow. There is purpose in these things. It was my grandma’s belief that our trials are not just to teach ourselves, but for those around us too. To see what they will do. Will they serve and help? She said, “The one thing that has really impressed me with this disease is the people who have been so wonderful to my family, and especially my kids.” Cathy’s life was made so much more sweet and beautiful by the many who were around her, including my grandma.

My aunt Cathy started losing her eyesight in her early teens, but she started having balance problems in High School. This caused Cathy to have to face some hard times during these vulnerable and sensitive years.

Cathy was a strong-willed person with strong likes or things she LOVED. One thing she loved was singing, which she was good at. In High School she was in the choir and very much wanted to be on the Madrigals team. This group performed through song and dance. Cathy tried out, despite having slight balance problems, with high hopes of making the team. If you made the team, they would come by your house the next day, early in the morning, to take you to celebrate. They never came. She was heartbroken.

Cathy continued singing many years after High school. She took singing lessons and loved it. As the disease progressed, her singing also declined since speech is affected by it. Despite this she insisted on continuing with her singing lessons, and she practiced religiously. She was not going to let this disease take away something she loved, so easily. There came a day when her teacher said that she could no longer teach Cathy because she had too many other students. Again, this broke her heart.

In High School Cathy had many friends, even though the disease made her a little different. There were days though that she sat alone during lunch. My grandma worried about her walking to school by herself, since she had poor balance. For high school graduation she even bought herself some wedge shoes with a big heal. My grandma was amazed that she made it across the stage without falling. Cathy seemed determined to not let this disease change how she wanted to live.

Cathy decided that she wanted to go to Ricks Collage after high school. She was going to go with some of her friends, but they ended up not being able to go. She decided that she still wanted to go by herself! This would be a very scary thing to do, especially for someone who could not see the board in class. When she got to Ricks, she had someone else sign her student ID card for her because she could not see the line of where to sign.   It was hard for my grandma to let her go, but she wanted her to have her independence as long as possible. I am amazed at Cathy’s courage and strong will.

Ricks Collage is in Rexburg, Idaho. This is a small town that has very cold and snowy winters. Many of the sidewalks and roads become packed down slippery snow paths, and Cathy took her wedge high heels with her! It was going to be hard for her to walk on those slippery paths, and with those shoes, it seemed impossible. Amazingly she got along until one day she fell and could not get up. She had to wait for someone to help her up. This did not discourage her. It is amazing that she got along as well as she did, especially with her classes. She got good grades. She was able to complete a year of college at Ricks.

When Cathy came home from college, she continued her university studies through home study classes. She was short only a couple of classes to graduate, but she was unable to finish because she could not see well enough to take the tests. Her strong will helped her to achieve so much despite her disabilities.

Cathy was such an amazing and capable young woman, and she was also very pretty. She always dressed well too. She loved to wear beautiful clothes. She was teased about being the best dressed in the young single adult church ward she attended. This likely explains why she wore those high healed shoes, even though it was difficult for her to walk in them.

She was able to get a job at a day care center. She loved kids. She greatly desired to marry and have many children. Here is what she said about this: “If and when I get married, I am going to the temple to be sealed for time and all eternity. Right after I get married, I want to start a family. I just love kids, and I want about 8 of them. I think life would be very unfulfilled without children. I want to be the best person that I can possibly be so that I can be the best mother that I can possibly be. So my children will have every chance in the world to rise to their potential so they can have a worthwhile life.” She loved taking care of kids, but as the disease progressed, she was no longer able to work at the day care. This job lasted for about a year.

Then the woman who cut Cathy’s hair had her babysit her kids twice a week. She was able to do this for two more years, at which point her abilities declined such that she could not do this anymore. I am sure that ability was extremely hard for her to lose.  Her sister Caren said, “Her greatest desire was to be a wife and a mother, which I am sure was also her greatest sorrow.”

Although, Cathy still held on to the hope of getting married. The members of the young single adults church ward that she attended were really good to her.  She made many really good friends there. Cathy very rarely missed any of the church meetings every Sunday or the other activities, of which there were many. The ward members would always pick her up and give her a ride. The boys were also very nice to her. My grandma said that whenever a boy was nice, she fell in love with him.

Even when Cathy was in a wheelchair, she still wanted to be a part of all the activities. There was once a tomato picking service activity that she went to even though she could not pick the tomatoes. Another time, her friend Jane took her to a church dance. She took Cathy onto the dance floor and they danced. Jane pushed and spun her around to the fast beat music and accidentally tipped over the wheelchair, and Cathy spilled onto the floor. Jane felt terrible and was so embarrassed. With some help, they got Cathy back into her chair, and she exclaimed, “Lets do that again!” Good friends make life so much better.

Like I said, Cathy had strong likes or things she LOVED, which she felt this way about many things at this point in her life. She LOVED the LDS young adult music and also the TV show “The Little House on the Prairie” She was an avid BYU and Boston Celtics fan. She even had a giant poster of Ty Detmer, a BYU football quarterback and a Heisman trophy winner, hung on her bedroom wall. She spent much of her time listening to and watching these things. Her friends once arranged for Ty to call her on her birthday! My grandma said that when he called, Cathy was so star-struck that she did not know what to say. Ty did all the talking. This made Cathy so happy!

Her friends also arranged for many of the LDS young adult singers that Cathy just adored to meet her one night for another one of her birthdays. They took her to Lex de Azevedos’ house (he did the recordings for these artists). These singers were all going to be there. When Cathy and her friends drove up to the house, one of the male singers that Cathy loved came and introduced himself. She couldn’t believe it was him. She met with all the other singers, and she was in awe the whole night. They even had a birthday cake for her. My grandma said that she talked about this forever and ever.

The disease continued to progress, and Cathy’s friends continued to make her life much more sweet and full. Cathy got to where she needed help eating. Her friends would come to her house and help feed her! I think this is amazing. Not only did she have a hard time feeding herself, but it was also getting harder to swallow properly. This caused her to choke often on her food. It was scary when this happened because she also had a hard time coughing properly. When she would choke, she would cough loud, violent and unproductive coughs. Sometimes she would even need the Heimlich or would start to vomit. During this time, a couple that was engaged came often to help Cathy. The boy was particularly concerned about her choking. Once when he was feeding her dessert, Cathy reassured him by telling him, “I never choke on dessert!” She really loved her desserts!

This same engaged couple was very good to Cathy. They took her many places and even made her a big part of their wedding. They knew she had a great desire to marry and would not have that opportunity in this life, so they tried to share some of their happiness with her. They had Cathy in most of their wedding photos. This was a very kind thing to do. When Cathy was in college she took a sewing class. She made a baby quilt and gave it to this girlfriend who stayed in contact with my grandma over the years. She told her that the baby quilt has been used by all her children and is very worn with love.

Another part of Cathy’s life that she felt deeply about and had a strong will to live was the gospel of Jesus Christ. She had a very strong testimony of it. She was dedicated in her callings. She served as a primary teacher for young children several times, even after she was completely blind. My grandma would read and record her lessons onto a tape recorder each week, and Cathy would listen to, memorize and then teach it on Sunday. Also, she loved General Conference. Even Fast Sundays were important to her. She would wait 24 hours – down to the minute – before she would eat.  Her membership in the LDS church was very important to her.

This is what Cathy said, “I have been a member of the Church [of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints] all of my life. The Church is the most important thing in my life. Without it I would be totally lost. What I want more than anything else is to be valiant in the gospel and to become a Christlike person, so that I can achieve my greatest goal – exaltation.”

Cathy began to struggle with depression and anxiety. She tried some antidepressants, and after a bit, they stopped working. She then tried another and the same thing happened. It got really bad. She was so anxious at night that my grandma would move all the furniture to the walls, and Cathy would scoot on her bottom around the floor, all night long. This was in the 80’s, and it was difficult to figure out the best medicine for Cathy. It was a very trying time.

She contracted pneumonia really bad. They took her to the hospital, and she was given very strong antibiotics. She was out of her mind most of the time. Everyone thought she was not going to make it. Miraculously, she survived and started to recover. Her doctor was very impressed with her. He said, “Boy, I would love to meet her on the other side because she has sure got a strong will.” He said that one time he was talking about Cathy possibly dying to the nurses while in the room, and, “She sure got wide awake and fighting when she heard me say that.” Cathy still had a will to live.

Cathy had to go into a nursing home, since she still needed a lot of care. This made her scared. Being blind and having nothing familiar around you can be a very scary thing. My grandma did not like having her there. She was still struggling with depression and anxiety so with all the drugs they were trying, again she was often not mentally present. My grandma brought her home when things stabilized some. She had to do so much for Cathy that she was not able to leave the house and was getting very little sleep. At this time my grandma was also taking care of my grandpa, whose health was also worsening. Given my grandma was having such a hard time taking care of Cathy, my grandpa and herself, she ended up taking Cathy back to the nursing home (against her desire).

Shortly after returning to the nursing home, Cathy got pneumonia again. She was already so weak from this disease that my grandma asked the doctors not to give her any antibiotics. My mom,Cindee, and Aunt Caren came to be with Cathy and to help my grandpa, so my grandma could spend more time with Cathy at the end. During this time, my grandpa fell. The paramedics came and said that he had to go to the hospital. My grandma had to go with my grandpa while they figured out what was wrong. At this same time, my mom and Caren, along with several others, were with Cathy when her heart stopped beating. They called my grandma to tell her that Cathy had died. She immediately left the hospital to say her goodbyes to Cathy at the nursing home.

Right after they called, Cathy started breathing again. She would take several breaths, then stop for a minute and then start breathing again and so on. It was like she was trying really hard to hold on. Her sisters tried to reassure her that it was OK to go, but she kept on. When my grandma arrived they told her that Cathy was still alive and holding on with what little life she had left. My grandma took her hand and hugged her. She told her it was OK for her to go and see Chris and Don and that Heavenly Father was waiting for her. Cathy then stopped breathing and she was gone.

My grandma had done so much to take care of Cathy. It was so sweet for them to have that moment together before she left.

Cathy was a bright example to so many. She had great courage and did many hard things. She was so faithful to God.  She had a positive attitude. When someone asked her what she felt about having this disease, she said, “Everyone has problems, this is just mine.”  She was truly a beautiful woman.

 

Next post:  Grandpa Paul–Final Story