SCA7 Through My Eyes

My cousin Lance has the best life story. I have throughly enjoyed writing it and remembering him. It will bring tears to your eyes, yet also make you laugh out loud. He was the type of person that inspired others. His life was fairly short, yet he lived it to the fullest with an infectious positive attitude. Thank you to Lance for leaving us such an awesome example.

Lance was born in Mesa, Arizona to his loving parents, Scott and Carolyn. At the time Scott was attending college, so Carolyn stayed very busy taking care of Lance and his older sister Callie. As mentioned in previous posts Carolyn was just beginning to show signs of SCA7 before her children were born, so they both grew up with  their mom having bad eyesight and balance and coordination problems. Despite this, their family was happy and enjoyed life. Their home was full of love and laughter. Lance definitely played a big part in bringing in the laughter…and the love too.

You might be a redneck…”If your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.” “…if you’ve ever cut your grass and found the car.” …and “if you see a sign that says ‘say no to crack’ and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.”

Did you hear about the carload of BYU coeds who froze to death at the drive-in movie? They went to see the movie, “Closed for Winter.”

Lance loved to make people smile and laugh. He always had a good joke to tell. Scott remembers that when Lance was a young boy, he enjoyed telling a particular joke that he didn’t even understand himself. Lance told  it because it got such a good laugh. He became very good at joke telling. He had an excellent memory for all the details and knew which jokes got the best laugh.  He also enjoyed a little shock-factor, not vulgar or anything, but things that would surprise and tease people. This is probably one reason why he seemed to enjoy telling “you might be a redneck….” jokes in his small town where there were a lot of people who had a little bit of a redneck in them. As well, he also enjoyed telling BYU coed jokes to avid BYU fans like his high school seminary teachers. He was such a funny kid.

I remember when I was young and attended Canfield family get togethers, Lance was often the center of attention. He was the youngest of the cousins, yet he could make us all laugh.  For example, once when we were camping in Snowflake, the boys were in one tent and the girls in another, and we (the girls) could hear all the boys laughing at Lance’s jokes into the night. Some of the boys were, including my brothers, 5 to 8 years older than him, yet they all loved being around him. He was so much fun. This was a great gift he had.

Even from a young age, Lance was popular. When he was around four years old, Scott arrived home from school, and the neighbor kids excitedly ran up to him. They told him how great it was that Lance had gotten them all ice cream. Scott learned that when the ice cream truck came through their neighborhood earlier that day, Lance had run in the house to find money. No one was home, but he happened to find a ten-dollar bill so he then treated all the neighborhood kids to some ice cream. He has always treated those around him well.

Another attribute that he was born with and that remained with him all his life was his love of sports. As a baby, he loved balls, and seemed to know that there was something more to them, like a game.  As a little boy he loved basketball and spent a lot of time dribbling and shooting. His Uncle Steve remarked that he had never seen a boy so ambidextrous at dribbling the ball behind his back and through his legs. He was a good little athlete and worked hard at it. He played on little league basketball and baseball teams and enjoyed it.

Lance was a healthy young boy, and his parents had high hopes and dreams for him.  When Lance was in fourth grade, Scott had gone out one evening to get the mail and found a letter from the school nurse. Curious yet nervous, his heart began to race as he opened it. It said that Lance had failed the school eye exam and needed to get his eyes checked. Dread swept over him and tears began to fall. He knew that this most likely meant that Lance had inherited the disease. Their hopes for Lance’s future came crashing down. Now, he would have to face the trials of this disease at a young age, and it was going to progress quickly. Scott took some time to recoup before he went home and privately told Carolyn. They both wept.

An optometrist confirmed his vision loss, so Scott and Carolyn knew he had the disease. He was too young to realize what was going on, and his parents felt no need to tell him at this time. They kept this to themselves for a couple of years. Lance continued to play on sports teams in the mean time and did pretty well, despite his declining vision. By the time he was in sixth grade though, his vision had gotten a lot worse, and his balance was also beginning to be affected. As result, sports were becoming difficult. His uncle coached his baseball team, and he humorously noted that Lance was the only boy who benefitted from the cat call, “HEY! …batter, batter…SWING!” because it actually helped him to know when to swing. Lance knew he had bad eye sight, but he still did not yet realize he had this disease.

One evening, their family was watching a TV show that just so happened to have a storyline, somewhat along the lines of a boy having a disease and dying young. The story hit close to home, and Scott watched Lance closely. He could see that Lance was bothered by it because afterwards Lance got up and went straight to his room. Scott followed him. They visited for a bit, and then Lance asked, “Dad, do you think I have Mom’s disease?” Choking up, Scott replied, “I think you do.”  They both began to weep. Eventually, Lance began to be more concerned about his dad’s tears than his own and tried to comfort his dad, telling him that it was going to be OK.

Lance remained optimistic, and he faced the future with an attitude of, “It’s no big deal; it will be OK.” He, like his mom, also didn’t have it in him to complain or have self-pity. His dad said,  “His method of dealing with this disease has been exemplary. He has always handled himself with perfect faith and had an eternal perspective. I have never heard him complain about his lot in life or about this disease, never once. He had plenty to complain about, and he did complain, mostly about [sports] officiating, I think, but not about this disease. He had a real knack for dropping the things he couldn’t do, finding the things he could do and making the best of things as they were. He didn’t look too far into the future and waisted no time with self-pity. That is an attribute that makes him my hero.”

Lance continued to have a great passion for sports and played on a basketball team when he was 12, even though he struggled with bad eyesight and balance. His team had a position for him that he would play, and they let him participate when he was put into games. His stake president remembers a time when he was coaching a team that played against Lance’s team. He said,”During one game, it was towards the end and the game was close, and Lance was put in. He dribbled towards the basket; his peers on the opposing team backed away and allowed a clear path; he got his own rebound after his first shot, got the rebound again, and then made the basket. Lance won the game because no one could remember what the final score was.” This emotionally moved the stake president, along with everyone watching. It is amazing how good kids can be to each other.

Something Lance loved more that sports was family. He was not only close with his immediate family but also his extended family. On the Flake side his dad was one of ten kids, so as a result he had a great big bunch of cousins. The Flake family had many get togethers, and Lance really enjoyed the weekend trips to his grandparents’ house in Snowflake to play with all his many cousins.  He would disappear when they got there, riding three-wheelers, horses or whatever, and he and his cousins would campout in the cedars or sleep on the trampoline. He played real hard with his family.

Lance loved to drive things despite his bad vision. This caused some anxiety for his family. One time while driving a gocart at a family gathering he zipped around the front yard at full speed, heading for the trampoline where about 15 kids were jumping. Lance drove right underneath it! Fortunately, no one got hurt. He must have had guardian angels around him whenever he drove things.

By his seventh grade year in junior high, Lance’s balance and vision were very bad. He did not want to be different; he wanted to walk like everyone else. However, he would careen from pole to pole and down the steps. It was a dangerous campus for him to navigate. The teachers were very afraid he was going to tumble down the stairs. Finally, the principal talked to Scott about it, and it was determined that Lance was going to use a wheelchair at the beginning of his eighth grade year. The idea of using a wheelchair and being “handicapped” was very difficult for Lance, and he resisted it in every way he could. But there was really no choice, since he could not walk anymore on his own. Scott drove him to school that first day and pulled the wheelchair out.  Lance begged his dad to not get in it, and Scott had to insist on him getting into the wheelchair. As Scott wheeled him into school, Lance was in tears; it was so hard for him. Scott held it together until he got back to the car and then wept.

The school had assigned a teacher’s aide to push Lance from class to class. When Scott picked him up from school on that first day, Lance was distraught and told him how no one would talk to him with that teacher’s aide pushing him around. She was ruining his social life. Scott talked to the school and told them that Lance was just going to have his friends push him around.  The second day when Scott came to drop off Lance, a boy ran up to the car and asked Scott if he could push Lance to class.  Everything changed that second day.  He had many friends who were more than willing to push him to where he needed to go. This really helped Lance to not hate his wheelchair, but instead to have it become an asset in helping his social life.  Good friends can make all the difference.m

Someone once reported to Scott that some rough characters at school where pushing Lance around in his wheelchair.  Lance drew all kinds of people to him, but he didn’t care who helped him.  He loved them all the same for helping him.  When we serve others it elevates us.  This is one reason why Lance was a popular kid, he needed help, and he was easy to help and his peers loved helping him.  For these reasons Scott didn’t mind at all.

At a certain point Lance was no longer able to play sports, so he found other ways to participate.  One way he did this was through sports video games. They were a great way for him to experience his love for sports. Scott was grateful for video games since they helped to fill this void. Callie remembers that the family would be watching TV in the living room, and they would hear Lance holler from his room. The shouts were quickly followed by the sound of his wheelchair crashing against the door frame as he emerged from his room and further shouted, “There is 20 seconds left! I just got a touchdown pass! We are going to win the super bowl!” Then he would wheel around and push himself back into his room to finish the game.   He derived a lot of satisfaction from them.

His cousins and friends would often come over and help him for days to configure his video game teams. You could pick your own players and put a name on their back. He would put together pro teams but would have the Snowflake High School players’ names on their backs. His real sport heroes were his peers.

Another way he stayed involved with sports was through being a spectator. He was an avid fan of Snowflake sports. He loved being a Lobo! While he was in junior high, he had some cousins playing on the high school teams, and he began to follow them and their peers closely. In fact with his very good memory he would memorize the stats of all the players on the teams, both girls and boys sports. Lance loved the star players, but he also knew the statistics of everyone else. He was a statistic maniac. Later when he was in high school, he would write on the Snowflake website sports page.  Some of the things he wrote would be quoted on the local pregame radio show. The announcers would even talk about Lance and how he was such a good fan. Lance cared so much about these teams that he would cry if they lost, even if it was an unimportant game. He was definitely the Lobo’s number one fan.

When Lance was around 14 years old, his dad wrote a letter to “Make a Wish” foundation and shared with them Lance’s situation. Lance was selected, and for his wish, he chose to go to Hawaii. Scott and Callie, along with a very close cousin, were all able to join him on this spectacular and memorable trip. It was seven packed-filled days of fun. They spent a lot of time on the beach and in the water. They even got to take a helicopter tour of the island. They all had a really good time. Lance’s mom, Carolyn, was unfortunately unable to accompany the rest of the family on this trip. It was really hard for her to stay home and miss out on this experience.

Lance had the sweetest relationship with his mom. She loved to hear all about his life, and Lance loved telling her about it. She relied on him for information when she could no longer see, and Lance talked with her a lot. They were very close.

When Lance was a Sophomore in high school, his mom started to really struggle. Hospice came into their home to help Carolyn for the last week of her life. The nurse could see that she did not have much time left, so Lance, Callie and their dad  slept with her that night. It was a very sweet and peaceful time for their family. The next morning Carolyn passed away.  It was very hard for Lance to lose his mom. He did not like talking about death or the fact that the disease was terminal. Not that he was afraid of death, but he just did not like to talk about it. Lance’s cousin wrote a song about Lance’s life, and I think he captured very well how Lance felt during this time: “Your mama she loved you, but not a soul alive could undo the hole in your heart when her bones went to sleep.”

A year after Carolyn passed away, Callie left to attend Brigham Young University. Lance was sad to have her go. At this time Callie was fairly progressed in the disease. She was at the point that her eyesight was very limited and she needed assistance, like holding on to someone else’s arm to walk. During a break in school, she came home to visit. While talking with Lance in his room, he told her that he was afraid that she would get married soon and move away for good. Callie reassured him by saying, “I don’t think I will. Boys are kind of afraid of me.”  Lance then asked, “So are girls afraid of me?” She responded, “I think so.” Lance then responded, “Well then, after we die and during the millennium, everyone will want to get a divorce to marry us.” Callie admired his self-confidence and eternal perspective.

Callie once told me, “Lance and I have always been close since it is just the two of us. We didn’t fight much and spent a lot of time together. He has always been a good brother that I have looked up to. Lance has always been an inspiration to many people. Our whole town thinks he is an amazing person. He is very happy. I will walk into his room, and he will be laying there smiling. He hardly ever feels sorry for himself. He goes to school everyday in a wheelchair; he has to ride home on the handicapped bus sometimes; and he has  to take special classes that are different from everyone else. I know this disease must be really hard for him, but I’ve only heard him feel sorry for himself a couple of times. Yet he is so happy. He is just an amazing person.”

Next blog post: Cousin Lance Part II