SCA7 Through My Eyes

Author: sca7throughmyeyes

  • Carolyn’s Funeral Talk by My Dad (Rick Balling)

    My dad is an amazing speaker. Many of the talks that he has given throughout his life have had a significant impact on me, especially this one. When my dad gave this talk at Carolyn’s funeral, I had just graduated from high school. At this time my mom was in a wheelchair, and life with this disease was becoming very difficult for her. We also knew that my younger sister Aubree had SCA7. She had bad vision but no balance issues. I was scared for her, as was my entire family. My cousin Lance at this time was in a wheelchair, and my cousin Callie was beginning to have balance issues. I really did not like seeing my immediate and extended family struggle with this disease. While I did not know if I had the disease at this time, I suspected that I did.

    During this time, I had a lot of emotional struggles. First of all, I felt like the disease was way too much for God to ask. It is plenty hard for one person to have to have to face a life with SCA7, but for all of these people who I loved so much? Again, it just felt like way too much to ask. I wondered if God really loved and cared about my family and me.  I also felt scared about the future, not just for me, but for my mom, sister and cousins.

    I have been to a lot of funerals, and at all of them I have strongly felt the Spirit of God. At Carolyn’s funeral in particular, the spirit was powerful. When my dad gave this talk, I was filled with hope and felt that things were going to be OK. My dad’s faith in Christ and eternal perspective were a great comfort to me. I hope you enjoy this talk as much as I have.

     

    CAROLYN CANFIELD FLAKE

    by Rick Balling

    When a loved one dies, especially at a relatively young age, our hearts and minds fill with questions. Big questions.

    Where is Carolyn now?

    When will we get to see her again?

    What will she look like?

    Why didn’t the Lord make her better?

    Why did the Lord take away our mother, our wife, our sister, our daughter?

    On the surface, it may not make any sense to us. But if we ponder and look deeper, we can make sense.

    Everyone that knows me knows that I am obsessed with fishing, and in fact, it is impossible for me to give a talk without saying something about fishing. The first time I saw the magnificent salmon in Alaska, I was amazed at their tenacity. After four or five years, the salmon return to the rivers to spawn. As they enter the fresh water streams, they stop eating, and their bodies begin to decay. They are driven to spawn, and these beautiful fish may swim hundreds of miles. After they have laid and fertilized their eggs, they simply waste away in the stream-beds. Their flesh softens to the point where you can poke a hole through their bodies with your index finger. Finally, they die and their carcasses pile up on the riverbanks and sandbars. In fact, if you visit Alaska in September, you are overcome with thousands and millions of dead King, Red, Silver, Chum, and Pink salmon everywhere along the rivers. It is a depressing sight and the odor is terrific. You exclaim, “What a waste of life — it doesn’t make any sense”.   But if you look deeper, you realize that these dead carcasses sustain life in Alaska. The grizzly bears, the bald eagles, the foxes, and other animals depend on the food found in these carcasses before the long winter hits.   The fish in the streams including the newly hatched salmon fry also feed on these carcasses, and thus the parents literally give everything for their young. I have visited Alaska several times in June at the start of a new summer, and I am continually amazed that there is no sign whatsoever of the carnage from the previous season. Not a single bone or shred of evidence can be found — everything has been used, and the annual cycle of life begins again. Everything follows the marvelous plan of its supreme design. Our lives, too, follow a marvelous plan called the plan of salvation. This plan has been revealed to us by prophets, and we can understand it and make sense of life and death.

    We lived before this life with our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother in the pre-existence. We were spirits. Our heavenly parents had resurrected bodies. Only a resurrected body can receive a fullness of joy. We wanted to become like our parents. We wanted to grow up. Therefore, our parents decided to send us away to school. That’s why we came to this earth. We received our bodies, and we are here to learn how to become like our parents. “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect”. You could say that we are all enrolled in Godhood 101.   This earth-life is a carefully designed closed-book testing center where we learn by experience. When Joseph Smith reached the end of his rope in the Liberty Jail, the Savior told him “all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good”. Even the Savior had to learn by experience. Are we greater than he? What if Heavenly Father decided to cancel the whole idea of creating an earth and simply give us a big lecture in the pre-existence on how to be like him? It would certainly have been less trouble for him. However, I’m afraid we wouldn’t have learned a darn thing. Real learning requires experience, and experience requires opposition, free-agency, consequences, trials, problems, sweat, and pain.

    I have learned by experience that teenagers learn by experience. Let me tell you about my son, Dan. One day before his mission he brought home an old beat up car and told me that he and his friends had a great idea. They got this car dirt-cheap and they were going to fix it up and sell it and make a lot of money, basically without having to work very hard. Easy money. I lectured him on the law of the harvest, and that there is no such thing as a free lunch, but I could see that he was not learning. The car didn’t have license plates because it couldn’t pass the state emissions test. Occasionally, they would hop in the car and go somewhere. I warned them that they were taking a big chance by driving around in a car without license plates. But again, they were simply not learning from my preaching. Sure enough, I got a phone call one day from one of Dan’s friends. He needed to get to work, and he jumped into the old car that was conveniently parked outside. A policeman pulled him over and impounded the car on the spot. He was given a court date. Three months later when the court date arrived, he appeared before the judge and was fined $750. He then went over to the impound lot only to learn that they charged a $15 a day for the car that had been there for three months. Let’s see, 90 times 15 is $1350. Fortunately, when they went to get the car, it had been stolen from the impound lot, so impound fee was waived. Dan and his friends learned from this experience. After I repeatedly told him, “I told you so”, he exclaimed in exasperation, “Look dad, you got to be young and stupid before you can be old and wise”.

    Now, look at the particular homework problems that the Lord assigned to Carolyn. Not many of us can possibly know what it is like to experience the loss of eyesight. What would it be like to lose the ability to walk? How would it be to have to depend on others for almost everything? To slowly lose control of your emotions and thoughts. And then to see both of your children struck down with the same affliction. Only the Savior himself knows the burden Carolyn had to bear.

    Was all this imposed because Carolyn was a particularly rebellious spirit that had a lot to learn in this life? Even though Carolyn was known to be feisty at times, I don’t think this was the case. Were the Savior’s burdens imposed on him because he was rebellious? Of course not. The purpose of the Savior’s burdens and Carolyn’s burdens were mostly for the rest of us. We need to know that people walk the face of this earth and get through incredible things. We need to know these people up close and personal. We need to learn by serving them. Looking at the burden Carolyn bore gives us a glimpse of the burden that the Savior bore, and suddenly our own issues seem puny indeed.

    In the world today, fame is awarded to athletes, movie-stars, singers, presidents, senators, and the like. Even in our church we often wrongfully attach prestige to callings. But who are the real heroes? If we could see on the other side of this one-way window called the veil, and observe the throngs of angels, spirits, and heavenly beings watching us in this Superbowl game called Earth Life, who do you think they would consider for MVP? I think Lance would get a lot of votes. So would Callie and Scott. And Marlene and Cindee, and of course, Carolyn, Cathy, and Paul. What a privilege we have to know and play along side these MVP’s. They are the salt of the earth.

    Who did the Savior spend his time with when he was upon the Earth, both in Jerusalem and in the Americas. He was with the sick and afflicted. If he were on the earth today, I think he would be right here in this chapel in Snowflake, Arizona rather than in the White House.

    About ten years ago, our family was traveling through Wyoming, and we took a detour of about ten miles on a dirt road to the Willie handcart site at Rock Creek near South Pass. There are no trees around, just sagebrush. There was a small rectangular area roped off with a little plaque listing the names of 14 people who had died in one night and were buried there. I gathered my family and wanted to say something to them, but I found that I couldn’t speak. I don’t think that had never happened to me before. My brother took over and said something, and we left. Eight years later, our ward trekked out to Martin’s Cove and pulled handcarts. We met in Martin’s Cove with a brother Kitchen from the Riverton, Wyoming stake presidency. He told us stories of the many saints from the Martin Handcart company that died in Martin’s Cove. He told us how the Church was able to recently acquire that property, and that President Hinckley came out to visit the site. The prophet walked back into the cove and later came out and told them, “This is sacred ground”. Brother Kitchen then told us some stories from the Willie Handcart company. The story that stuck out in my mind was the story of James Kirkwood, age 11, from Scotland (retold by President Faust in July, 2002 Ensign). On the trip west, James’ widowed mother and older brother Robert had to pull the handcart carrying his other older brother, Thomas, who was crippled. James’s responsibility on the trek was to care for his little four-year-old brother, Joseph. As they climbed Rocky Ridge, it was snowing and there was a bitter cold wind blowing. It took the whole company 27 hours to travel 15 miles. When little Joseph became too weary to walk, James had no choice but to carry him piggy-back. Left behind the main group, James and Joseph made their way slowly to camp. Imagine, an 11-year-old boy carrying his brother piggy-back, 15 miles over Rocky Ridge, in a snowstorm. When the two finally arrived at the fireside, the journal says: “James, having so faithfully carried out his task, collapsed and died.”   James Kirkwood is one of the 14 people buried at Rock Creek. President Hinckley also visited the Rock Creek site. He went off on his own and came back and told the stake presidency that this was hallowed ground. Later the stake presidency was pondering why the prophet had used the term “sacred ground” for Martin’s cove and “hallowed ground” for Rock Creek. They wrote a letter to the first presidency asking the difference between sacred and hollowed ground. They got a response from President Faust. Sacred ground is where saints have given their lives for the Kingdom of God. Hallowed ground is ground where the Savior has walked. No wonder I couldn’t speak when I first visited that site. Indeed, the Savior walks with those that bear heavy burdens.

    Let me close with an experience I had a few years back high in the Stone Creek Basin of the Wind River Mountains of Wyoming. My family has heard this before, but my daughter Mandee suggested that I bring it up again. While I was laying in my sleeping bag, I was awakened in the middle of the night by the sound of cannons in the distance. The light flickered on the side of my tent. A storm was approaching. I lay there motionless for several minutes and listened as the sound of the thunder grew stronger and stronger. My father lay in the sleeping bag next to mine, and his steady snoring indicated that he was fast asleep. But after awhile, the sound of the thunder caused his snoring to stop, and I knew that he was also lying there motionless, listening to the approaching storm. When it hit, it hit hard. The gusts of wind caused our dome tent to deflect down near our faces. Especially terrifying was the thunder and lightning. At such a high elevation, it seemed as if every lightning strike hit the ground or the lake, and I’m sure many of them did. I think that when these storms are forced to climb up high mountains, it puts them in a particularly nasty mood. With each thunder-clap, I could hear my sons and nephews in the nearby tents hoot and holler. Then it started to hail with great intensity. We feared that it would literally rip our tent. When we placed our hands up against the tent, the hail would sting.

    I have a book of cowboy poetry, and without question, my favorite is a poem by Baxter Black where he calls such storms “The big high and lonesome”:

    When it hit it hit with a fury                                                                                                                           The wind had its saber unsheathed                                                                                                             The lightning cracked and the sky split apart                                                                                        The storm was a barin’ its teeth                                                                                                                   The blackness shook like a she-bear                                                                                                     Whose raging made my heart run                                                                                                               The hail fell like bullets around me                                                                                                      Scattering dust like a gun

    Suddenly, as if someone flipped a switch, the hail stopped. The intensity of the thunder and wind began to diminish. The storm passed by until, again, it was only the sound of cannons in the distance. The steady snoring of my father started up again. I just lay there. I unzipped the window of the tent, and to my astonishment, the sky was filled with stars. It was breathtaking. The moonlight shone bright on my face….The big high and lonesome is only God’s way …. of putting a man in his place.

    Scott, Lance, and Callie. Storms are only God’s way of teaching us and those around us. Storms don’t last forever. The day will come when the sky will be filled with stars. Scott, you remember Carolyn when you were first married before she was saddled with this disease. She is waiting for you, and for Lance and Callie. You will yet have many wonderful experiences together….a fullness of joy. Brothers and sisters, behold, today we are in the presence of a latter-day saint, even Carolyn Canfield Flake. She has carried her burden up and over Rocky Ridge. As she always told you, Scott, you are lucky to have married her.

  • Carolyn, Part 2

    Carolyn was an optimistic person.  It was not in her nature to complain or feel bad for herself. As the disease progressed, she lost many abilities including her eyesight and went completely blind fairly early on. She continued to cook though for as long as she could. She would prop herself up against the kitchen counters to cook. Occasionally the family got a surprise in their dinner. They once found a measuring cup in a casserole and another time a dish rag in the spaghetti. Carolyn laughed about it with the family and did not feel embarrassed.

    Carolyn was also a hard worker. She tried very hard to keep her independence for as long as she could. One example of this was seen in her efforts to do household chores. She would scoot around the house on her bum, picking up clutter and collecting the laundry. Then she would pull herself up to the washing machine and do the “sniff test” to determine if something was clean or dirty. She wore out the seat of her pants very quickly since she scooted around so much.

    In their new house in Snowflake, they had enough land for Scott to have some horses. Carolyn loved being around animals. In fact throughout her life she always wanted animals, especially unusual ones. For instance, these are some of the animals she wanted: zebra, goat, guinea pig, miniature donkey, peacock and turkey. Once during a Pioneer Day celebration, her sister-in-law, Loraine,  was staying with them. Everyone had left for the activities, but Carolyn stayed behind since it was going to be too hard for her to go. As Loraine was walking out the door, she heard Carolyn calling, “Scoooootttt!” over and over. She went in to her room and said, “Scott is already gone Carolyn. Is there something I can help you with?” Carolyn said, “Oh. I just wanted to tell him that I want a miniature gerbil at the fair.” Lance used to joke that an audio recording of a barnyard would make her happy.  They once got a new dog and while everyone was around holding it, she said, “Wow, he is really soft!” Lance replied, “Mom, you are rubbing my head.” Again, she laughed along with everyone else.

    Another time Scott found the coolest miniature horse named Ed. He bought it and was very excited to show it to Carolyn.  Scott sat her on the grass and told her that she would not believe how small it was. Then, he went to get Ed. As she sat there eagerly in the sun, their little wiener dog ambled over, climbing onto her lap. As she petted it she exclaimed excitedly, “Oh, it is small!” In the end, she enjoyed having these neat animals around for visitors to enjoy which promoted interaction, something she loved.

    Cousins; Dan, Aubree, Lisa, Mandee, Callie

    Carolyn loved holidays. She worked hard to make them special and would get very excited about them. On Christmas morning, Scott would get annoyed when Carolyn would wake up at 4 in the morning and try to wake up the kids. On St Patrick’s day she would make key lime pie. On Easter she would put candy in eggs and scoot around the house to hiding them. She would then scoot into the kids’ bedrooms and wake them up. Callie said that sometimes they would find eggs in the middle of the floor, but she said it was still so much fun. Carolyn also made their birthdays extra special. Callie and Lance really loved this about their mom.

    Carolyn eventually lost her ability to keep up with the household chores. Her family began to help out where needed, but she continued to do whatever she could. Callie, at a fairly young age, began to help with the cooking as her mom gave step by step directions. Callie would also help with the grocery shopping using a list her mom made that had everything in order, row by row, at the local grocery store which Carolyn had memorized. She knew where everything was. Someone could be pushing her down an isle, and she would say, “Stop. The canned black beans are right here on the middle shelf.” It was amazing. With everyone helping out, they were able to keep up.

    Carolyn’s many friends and extended family also did a lot to help take care of her. One friend watched many musicals with her, which she loved, and would narrate them to her. Another friend read her The Work and the Glory series over several years, along with other books. Many brought in meals for their family and did a lot to help make her life easier. Those who helped and associated with her took great pleasure in it.

    Scott and Carolyn had a sweet relationship. Scott is very funny and would often playfully tease Carolyn. She enjoyed this attention; it made life more fun. For example, Carolyn was a very careful bargain shopper and loved getting a good deal! When shopping at the grocery store with Carolyn, Scott would occasionally say while pushing her down an aisle, “Oh wow! That is an incredible deal.” Then he would keep right on walking and pushing her. She would get all excited and then flustered that they passed by it…not knowing what it was. Scott was teasing her, of course.

    Scott loved to inform Carolyn about the great deficiencies of Utah vs. Arizona. When they would travel back and forth from Snowflake, AZ to Bountiful, UT he would make a great production of feeling better or worse depending on which border they had crossed. Carolyn never let him get away with denigrating her home state though. She fiercely defended Utah, which only made him try harder to make Arizona sound glorious.

    Callie remembers her dad teasing her mom about her family, the Canfields. When he would turn on the electric can opener, he would announce, “The Canfield family singers.” When teased, Carolyn would just smile, laugh and say her familiar, “Oh Scott.”

    It was sweet to see Scott and Carolyn’s great love for each other. It was a familiar sight to see Scott’s head in Carolyn’s lap and her rubbing his head with her long fingers. She loved taking rides with Scott on his motorcycle. They did this up until the last couple months of her life. Scott took care of her so selflessly and with a cheerful heart. It was truly beautiful.

    A great gift that Carolyn possessed was the ability to listen. This especially benefited her children. She wanted to know every detail that went on in their lives.  When they would get home from school, she would very eagerly be waiting for them and want to hear everything about their day! She listened to them with a lot of interest. One time she got very upset, right along side Callie,  at a little girl in Callie’s class that did not compliment her back after she first complimented the girl. Lance would sometimes tease her by responding with a one word response like “good” after she had asked him about his day at school, then seeing her disappointment, would gladly tell her everything. She stayed very connected and involved in their lives.

    One of Carolyn’s and Scott’s greatest fears was that their children might inherit this disease. Oh how they hoped that their children would escape it! When Lance was in second grade, Scott had gone out one evening to get the mail and found a letter from the school nurse. Curious yet nervous, his heart began to race as he opened it. It said that Lance had failed the school eye exam and needed to get his eyes checked. Dread swept over him and tears began to fall. He knew that this most likely meant that Lance had inherited the disease. This was a total shift in their hopes for Lance’s future. Now, he would have to face the trials of this disease at a young age, and it was going to progress quickly. Scott took some time to recoup before he went home and privately told Carolyn. They both wept.

    They decided to go ahead and get his eyes checked by a family friend that was an optometrist, since there was still a small chance that he would just need glasses. Scott and Lance drove to their family friend who checked his eyes and confirmed that glasses could not help; he was going blind. Carolyn and Callie were at home, nervously waiting for their return. Callie remembers her mom saying, “I hope so bad he doesn’t have it.” When Lance and Scott walked in the room, Callie knew the outcome by the look on her dad’s face, and she too was devastated by this news. Scott and Carolyn went for a difficult drive together to weep and talk. Lance was too young to realize what was going on, and Scott and Carolyn decided not to tell him yet. They came back with a new bike for the unsuspecting Lance. This was a very hard time.

    Later on, Lance began to realize that he had the same disease as his mom. He handled this remarkably well and seemed to be more concerned about comforting his parents in their sadness. He was optimistic, and he faced the future with an attitude of, “It’s no big deal, it will be OK.” He, like his mom, also didn’t have it in him to complain or have self-pity. Their inner strength is inspiring.

    Carolyn and Scott thought that Callie had escaped this disease since she was older than Lance and had not yet shown any signs. Plus the odds of them both inheriting it seemed too high. In her seventh grade year, Callie began to notice that she was having a hard time seeing the board at school. Upon realizing her eye sight was bad, she knew she had this disease. She was OK with it, but she did not tell anyone. She knew it would devastate her parents given what she experienced with Lance. She was able to keep it a secret for over two years.

    At the beginning of ninth grade she wanted to try out for the basketball team, but that required a physical (including an eye test), so she didn’t try out. Then at the end of that year, she really wanted to try out for cheer, but again she knew that a physical examination would be required. She decided to do it anyways, since she couldn’t keep it a secret forever . Callie and her dad went to the doctor to get the physical. Scott said that he (and I assume Carolyn too) lived in mortal fear whenever their kids got their eyes tested. They must have been so worried while Callie was having an examination that included an eye test. The doctor did in fact test her eyes which revealed bad eyesight. The doctor told this to Scott, and again, he was filled with dread. Callie began to cry and told her dad that she had known for the past two years. He was surprised, but again the child was more concerned about the parents and how hard it was for them.

    Scott came home and told Carolyn, and again they wept. Finding out that their children has this disease was so devastating and the hardest point in their lives. All parents have hope for their children and what their lives might be like. This disease completely shifted all of this. They would die much younger, facing the debilitating effects of this disease, probably not get married and so on. This was a very difficult reality to face. Yet they faced it with faith. Life went on and they tried to make it the best they could.

    As Callie and Lance got older, Carolyn, especially, got excited about their dating. Whenever they got asked to a school dance or out on a date, she would get very excited. Once when Callie got home from a date, Lance was teasing her about kissing the boy. Carolyn chimed in, “I know Callie didn’t kiss him, but I wish she would have.” Towards the end of Carolyn’s life, when Callie was in High School, Carolyn had become very weak and was unable to do much. She would often be lying in bed when Callie got home. Callie would go lay next to her mom, telling her about her day and everything going on. Carolyn continued to be very interested and get so excited for the good things that happened. Callie cherished this time with her mom.

    Family coming to visit; (left to right) Scott, Carolyn, Dan, Mandee, Marlene, Lisa, Aubree, Callie -Front; Lance, Cindee

    Carolyn was also a great listener whenever extended family or friends came to visit, which was often. She loved to hear all about what was going on in their lives and would ask many questions. She was good at keeping confidences when necessary, but also enjoyed sharing their good tidings, funny stories (of which the large Flake family has many!) or important news with others when appropriate. She found great joy in this. For example, a sister-in-law once intentionally told Carolyn first that she was pregnant, so that Carolyn could then be the one to share the news with everyone.

     

    Carolyn did have to face depression, but it was never severe. She took Prozac for the last five to six years of her life. It really helped her, and she had no major issues with depression. What a blessing.

    Eventually eating on her own became difficult. Her family had to feed her all her meals; they helped to do this for approximately four years. Fortunately, Scott had a job where he was able to come home and eat lunch with and feed Carolyn. Towards the end, her ability to eat enough food each day became very difficult, and she was so uncoordinated that she would often chew on her tongue and make it bleed. She began to lose weight and grew very weak. She spent a lot of time in bed. She eventually got down to 80 lbs.

    The time came for hospice to assist since she was eating so little. The hospice nurse was a close family friend, and they had a very good experience with her there. She was with them for the last week of Carolyn’s life. During that week, the nurse gave her morphine to help with the pain. Carolyn stopped eating and drinking at this point.  When the morphine wore off, Carolyn would give a hand signal to let them know. It was a blessing for her to have this to help her be more comfortable. The nurse knew that Carolyn was at the end and informed the family, so Scott, Callie and Lance were around her as she peacefully passed away.

    It was very difficult for them to say goodbye. It was such a great comfort to know that they would be with her again. Callie and Lance, as youth greatly missed their mother.

    She passed away in the middle of Callie’s senior year of high School. A couple of months later, Callie was sitting in a class when they announced over the intercom the prom queen and king nominees. She thought she heard her name but was not sure so she asked around. When she found out that her name had been listed, she could not contain her emotions and asked the teacher if she could go to the bathroom. When she got there, she burst into tears because she could so clearly see her mom shouting for joy and telling everyone. Callie did win prom queen, and she knew her mom was overjoyed for her.

    Scott said that Carolyn was somehow equipped with the ability to deal with this disease with the positive attitude she had. While looking back on their life together, he said, “I wouldn’t choose for her to have this disease, but I would never trade those 20 years with Carolyn. I don’t feel sorrow, I just feel happy about the time I had with her. It was a wonderful experience.”

  • Aunt Carolyn Flake (Part I)

    I am really excited to tell the story of my Aunt Carolyn and her two children, Callie and Lance. They, along with Carolyn’s husband, Scott Flake, are the neatest family I have ever known. They all had to endure such extremely heavy trials, yet their home was full of laughter and happiness. Whenever I visited them, I felt uplifted and wanted to linger. They have all had a huge influence on me. I have often looked to their examples. Their lives were so sweet and good despite having this disease. It is truly remarkable, and I am excited to try to capture it all.

    Included in this family is Scott’s current wife, Sara, who graciously took care of both Callie and Lance during the end of their lives after Carolyn had passed away. Also included in the family are Scott and Sara’s two daughters, Rayni and Ella, who were Callie’s pride and joy. They are all such a wonderfully bright part of this family.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Carolyn was the fourth daughter of my grandparents Paul and Marlene. She was a happy, sweet, confident yet humble person. She had a very deep and wise perspective on life.  Chris’ and Don’s deaths along with her dad and Cathy struggling with the disease had a significant influence on her. She once wrote, “Our Heavenly Father does not want everything in life to be great and wonderful. We need trials to help us grow.”

    When Carolyn started college she did not know if she had the disease or not, but her eyesight was just beginning to be affected. She met Scott at BYU-Hawaii. Carolyn had been attending Dixie Collage for over a year.  She had always wanted to attend BYU-Hawaii, so when some of her friends wanted to go there for the Spring Semester, she was eager to join them. Scott had just gotten home from his LDS 2 year mission. Some of his friends were going to BYU-Hawaii for the Spring semester too, and he decided to join them. The two met at a dance during the beginning of the semester, and their relationship began to blossom from there. They would take many long walks around the island and talk. What a beautiful place for a beautiful relationship to begin!

    Carolyn told Scott about the disease in her family and of the possibility that she too could have inherited it. Scott understood, in part, about the gravity of this, and he still continued to see her and fall in love. When the semester ended, Carolyn went home to Utah and Scott to Arizona. They kept in touch through phone calls and letters. By the next month, Scott decided to take a trip to Utah to visit her.

    Carolyn had just recovered from pneumonia, so she was pale looking, unlike her tan self in Hawaii. My grandpa was having to use a walker at this point and spoke with his whisper. Cathy also was very affected by the disease. When Scott arrived, He seemed to be OK with these things. They were all so good and nice to him, and he saw that their lives still seemed pretty normal. Until one time when he was sitting on the porch swing with Carolyn, and Cathy was in the bedroom upstairs with the window open having a singing lesson. It sounded awful, and he knew it was because of this disease. For Scott, this was a window into the disease and its implications, and it scared him. Sadly, he left Utah telling Carolyn that they were too different for it to work out.

    Carolyn was hurt but tried to get over him. Scott also tried to get over Carolyn but was unable to do so. Later that summer Carolyn got a phone call from him saying that he was in Utah with his family at Aspen Grove. He wanted to see her. They got together and things went so well that the next day Scott told Carolyn he loved her. They were soon engaged and then married in the Jordan River temple. Before Scott married Carolyn, he was fairly certain that she had this disease. He felt that he would be lucky to have even a limited number of years with Carolyn before the disease would take her. What a great guy!

    They moved to Mesa, Arizona where Scott attended college. Mesa was so hot! Carolyn detested the heat there, so she called it “piggy” Mesa. You have to know that Carolyn was a very good and pure person, so much so that the closest thing to a bad word she would ever say was “piggy.” Not long after they moved to Mesa, Carolyn lost her driver’s license because of her declining eyesight. Now they both knew for certain that she had the disease.  They went to a geneticist to talk about having children, since they knew that this disease could be passed on to future children. Not a whole lot was known about SCA7 then, but the geneticist did know that there was a 50% chance of passing it on. This made having children a big decision, so they prayed and fasted for direction from God. They received an answer to go ahead and have children. The answer was not that your children would be free of this disease, but that it was the right thing for them to go forward and have children. My uncle Scott always says that he has no regrets and is so thankful they decided to have Callie and Lance, despite both inheriting this disease. Even having the disease, they had such wonderful lives. Lance even said that if he had the choice, he would choose to have the disease because he wouldn’t want to change anything. Remarkable!

    Not much time passed before Callie was born. She was a beautiful, healthy and thriving baby. A couple of years after Callie’s birth, Lance joined their family.  While the kids were young, their parents did not know they had this disease and greatly hoped that they would not! Carolyn and Scott just adored their children. They were both wonderful parents, and Carolyn was especially good at being a caring, loving and devoted mother. Her relationship with them was very special.

    Callie and Lance were young while their family moved around Arizona for Scott’s schooling. They lived in Mesa, Pinetop, and Prescott Valley.  During this time the disease progressed for Carolyn. She went from being able to walk on her own, to needing help walking, and then to eventually using a wheelchair. She did not like having to use a wheelchair and just used it outside the house. Inside she scooted around on her bum. Her eyesight also declined and became very limited during this period. Due to her disabilities, she needed a lot of help from others. She was not afraid to ask others for help and did it in a kind way such that people were eager to help her. Their service blessed her life, but it also blessed them (those who served her). Through these experiences she made many good, close friends and some stayed in contact and continued to help her all her life. Like weekly trips for ice cream and so much more. It was beautiful.

    While they lived in Prescott Valley, their church ward brought in meals for them regularly, in an effort to try to help. Carolyn loved the friendly church ward there, but she and Scott felt bad since Carolyn could still cook. One day Scott was getting in the car with Carolyn and the kids, and he thought it would be fun if he let Carolyn drive while he helped to steer from the passenger seat. In fact, the whole family thought this was a fun idea. While they traveled down the street with Carolyn driving, the Relief Society president saw them and did a double take when she realized Carolyn was driving with a look that said, “Have they been lying about Carolyn?” They all laughed about it. Life had its challenges, but Carolyn was a happy and fun-loving person, along with her family as you can see.

    Scott got a job near Snowflake, his hometown, after finishing school, so the family excitedly moved there. Scott began to build a beautiful home in the middle of “Flakeville.” This is a neighborhood just outside of town, or out in the country, where  his parents and other family live. It was full of Flakes. Scott comes from a very large family and now they were going to live right next to many of them. Scott finished their home, and they made their final move. This was a busy yet exciting time. Carolyn loved Scott’s big family and loved all their many get togethers. They and the kind people in the small town of Snowflake, were a wonderful help to Carolyn and her family. This was the perfect place for them to live.

    While Carolyn loved living by Scott’s family, she did miss her family. She talked with them often by phone and enjoyed going to visit them in Utah whenever possible. They made many trips there. She had a special relationship with her dad, Grandpa Paul. He had a hard time communicating with others, since he could only whisper. He really craved conversation with others. When visiting, she would go sit on his bed, and he would talk nonstop until he couldn’t talk anymore. Carolyn would just sit and patiently listen to him with great interest. It was very sweet. He passed away when Carolyn was living in Snowflake. Two years previous her sister Cathy passed away. She was extremely sad to say goodbye to them, while at the same time, she was happy that their suffering had ended. She knew that she was going to be with them again.

    Later, when the surviving members of Carolyn’s family (Carolyn, Caren, my mom and my grandma) would get together, they would talk, laugh and cry as they reminisced. I remember when I was young and the Canfield family would get together. We cousins would be off playing and having a blast, then we would walk into the house to a scene of all the moms and grandma bawling their eyes out together. This seemed to happen every time they got together! They had some great things to talk about as half of their family was on the other side. Together, they must have had a burning knowledge that life continues after death and that there is a plan and purpose to it all.

    Through it all Carolyn had an eternal perspective and a great sense of her divine worth. She knew her physical limitations; she received the service that her family and others rendered her; she knew something about the burdens her husband carried, yet she was not apologetic. She truly believed that Scott got a real bargain in marring her. This is amazing for someone who had to become dependent on others for nearly everything. In these very humbling circumstances, she saw this disease for what it truly was – a way for her loving Heavenly Father to teach her and all those within her influence to grow and become more like Him.

    Scott, who was closest to Carolyn, definitely learned and grew because of this trial they had to face together. Scott’s older sister Loraine, has told me of the growth she witnessed in Scott during his marriage to Carolyn. She said, “I watched Scott bring fun and lightheartedness to what was sometimes a grim daily survival for Carolyn. I watched Carolyn’s deep goodness and faith bless Scott as she accepted his daily service. Scott allowed his faith to grow. He rebounded from occasional impatience and despair. He mellowed and deepened in character and integrity. The reach of his compassion and kindness, because of his experiences with Carolyn, continue to bless all around him.”

     

    Next blog post:  Carolyn, Part 2

     

  • Charity: The Pure Love of Christ

    The love that comes from giving ourselves for others is truly remarkable. “Whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my (Jesus Christ) sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.” Mark 8:35

    Saving yourself is gaining love, real pure love, the pure love of Christ, charity.

     

    More to come…

  • Hope

    Without hope life is very bleak and dismal. Jesus Christ is the source of all true hope.

     

    More to come…

  • Eternal Perspective

    A knowlege of the Plan of Salvation has become like a North Star to my life. This perspective has changed everything for me. It helps me to see things as they truly are. It brings joy, peace, purpose and love to all I do and see.

    More to come…

  • Faith: Letting Go of Anger Towards God and Learning to Trust Him

    I was angry at God and I had to let go of that anger and trust Him. As I realized and remembered His great love for me, this was easy to do.

     

    More to come…

  • Grandpa Paul – Final Years

    “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high.”             D&C 121:7-8

    My grandparents were still living in a home in Bountiful, Utah when my grandpa retired from working for the State because of his failing abilities. As his health continued to decline, he underwent many tests and was officially diagnosed with SCA7. During this period of time, their two oldest daughters, Caren and Cindee, married and moved away. Soon after my grandparents decided to move into a condo because they couldn’t do the yard work anymore. My grandpa had hurt his back doing it, and my grandma’s arthritis make it hard for her to do. They moved to Pheasant Brooke Condos in Centerville, Utah which would be their home for the rest of my grandpa’s life.

    After they moved, my grandpa got a Jazzy scooter (an electric wheelchair) for outside mobility. Going on walks outside with his walker had become slow and difficult. This scooter gave my grandpa a new-found freedom, and he loved it! He would go off on long “walks” or rides by himself.

    My grandpa had a good attitude about having this disease, and he loved to joke about it. For example, one day while the family was visiting St. George, Utah, he was leaving a restaurant using his walker, and a man asked him if the food was good. My grandpa replied, “Well, when I went in I could walk and see!” Another time he had fallen and broken his hip, just days before he and my grandma were going to go on a cruise. The bishop went to the hospital to visit my grandpa, and afterwards he said that he was so impressed that my grandpa was able to joke about his situation.  Also, whenever people asked him how he was doing, he would respond with, “If I was any better, I wouldn’t be able to stand it.” This upbeat and positive attitude was and is inspiring to many.

    As the disease progressed and my grandpa became wheelchair bound, his greatest struggle began to manifest itself – depression. This was especially hard for my grandma to witness. He was always so happy, but now he was becoming so very sad. She took him to the doctor, and he was prescribed medicine. The medicine really helped for a little while, but then it stopped. He was then prescribed a different kind of medicine. This caused my grandpa to “go out of his mind.” He got on his scooter and drove it out into the middle of the street. He was weaving in and out of cars. A friend, who just about hit him, hurriedly called my grandma. As my grandma rushed out of the house to go get him, he pulled up with the police. After this experience, he was very nervous to take medicine, especially this particular kind.

    He was struggling with severe depression when anxiety also began to show itself. He could not stop moving and could not sleep at nights. My grandma would take him on walks in his wheelchair to help him get out of the house. Unfortunately, his anxiety made this hard too because he was so uncomfortable the entire walk. In addition it became very difficult for my grandma to reason with him. This depression and anxiety plagued him for a couple of years before the doctors finally found a medicine that began to really help.

    Just before Cathy passed away, this medicine like the others stopped working. This is when he fell out of bed, and the paramedics came and took him to the hospital (see previous blogpost “Aunt Cathy”). He was at the hospital when Cathy passed away. After a day and a half he was able to go back home. Still struggling so much with depression he was unable to attend Cathy’s viewing. A friend stayed with him and then brought him to the funeral later that day.

    My grandpa was having such a hard time with depression and anxiety that the doctors began to try many different kinds of medication. My grandma even put him into the psychiatric ward at LDS hospital in Salt Lake City. They had him on a high dose of  antidepressants and even gave him a shock treatment. This treatment is done under anesthesia, and small electric currents are passed through the brain, causing a brief seizure. This helps to change the brain chemistry and reverse the symptoms of depression. Although, my grandma said that he never really recovered from these things. They may have helped him to feel better for a time, but the depression and anxiety only got worse as the disease progressed.

    My grandpa’s worsening anxiety made it very difficult for him to sleep. He needed so much help during the night that my grandma was not getting sleep either. One day when she was at the grocery store and extremely exhausted, a friend saw her and asked how she was doing. My grandma just cried. The friend told their church bishop that my grandparents needed help. They had someone from their ward come over at nights to stay with my grandpa, so my grandma could sleep. Since this was something they would need for a long time, she decided to hire some help. A short time later my grandpa reported that when he would wake up at night, the hired help was fast asleep. So this did not work out. My grandma described this time as a nightmare. Trying to solve the problem she next took him to the sleep lab at LDS hospital. He was given some medications that helped him to sleep better.

    My grandpa’s worsening depression made life miserable. He was again taken to the psychiatric ward, this time at the Veterans hospital. This ended up not working out. When his bishop came to visit him, my grandpa, still having his wit and a touch of humor, said, “Get me out of here! I can’t stand it another minute. I can’t see, so before I can eat my meals the other guys steel it. My bed slopes so bad I have to hang on to keep from rolling off. The bottoms of the drawers in the chest of drawers have all been knocked out by the poor guys before me, so there is no place to put my clothes. But to top it off, when I went to the restroom, someone had stolen the toilet paper and it took me half a day to holler loud and long enough to get a hospital worker to bring me some, so I could get out of that place. Bishop, get me out of here!” You have to remember that my grandpa had lost his voice years earlier and could only talk with a heavy whisper. He was then taken to LDS hospital’s psychiatric ward. After being there for a time, they told my grandma that there was nothing more they could do for him. My grandma took him back home. My grandpa was so miserable that he would cry out, “You have got to get somebody to help me! I cannot stand this any longer! You have got to get someone to help me!” At different times family came to be with him and to help. What a hard time.

    As my grandpa’s health declined, it became very difficult for him to swallow. He would go three to four days without eating or drinking anything. My grandma would make him protein shakes, and he would get so hungry that he would all of a sudden drink one. This would bring him right back up. My grandma had hospice come to the house to help. That Christmas my grandma made her traditional slush. My grandpa always loved this slush and really wanted some of it, but he could not swallow it. He would lick some up, then spit it out.  He got so dehydrated and weak that they took him to the hospital. They gave him an IV to hydrate his body and talked about putting in a feeding tube. My grandpa very sternly said he did not want one. My grandma and the doctors, taking into consideration his desires and the corresponding complications that can happen with a feeding tube, decided not to give him one.

    He was brought home and given an IV to help him be more comfortable. That Sunday he asked the bishop to come give him the sacrament and a blessing. It was a sacred experience. Over this time period, he had become very weak since he hadn’t eaten food for a while. One night though he woke up and tore out his IV. The nurses then gave him medicine to calm him down, as a side effect it also made him sleep more. Then for a couple of nights, members from their church came to stay with him while my grandma slept. The next night, knowing that he was going to pass away soon, my grandma stayed with him. In the morning he started to breathe funny. Grandma called their oldest daughter Caren, and she came over. They sat on both sides of his bed and held his hands. He eventually stopped breathing. My grandma said there was a very peaceful feeling. They knew he was finally free from all his struggles, yet it was also very sad that he was gone.  This was two years after Cathy had died.

    My aunt Caren spoke at his funeral and talked about how he had left three legacies for us. First, a legacy of wonderful memories. She spoke of her memories of his wonderful speaking and singing voice before he lost it. She also spoke of her memories of how he was friendly to everyone. Second, a legacy of good humor and courage. His bishop said of him, “Paul was quick with his wit and humor to keep life sparkled with excitement and smiles. He was a man of unprecedented courage.” This influenced and inspired many. Third, a legacy of testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. A good friend of my grandpa’s said that he was a spiritual giant and that when he bore his testimony, there was no doubting of his conviction.

    My grandpa told this same friend, “On resurrection morning when you see someone off on the horizon running, leaping and shouting at the top of his voice, that will be me.”

  • Aunt Cathy

    We have trials or hard things that happen in our lives to help us learn and grow. There is purpose in these things. It was my grandma’s belief that our trials are not just to teach ourselves, but for those around us too. To see what they will do. Will they serve and help? She said, “The one thing that has really impressed me with this disease is the people who have been so wonderful to my family, and especially my kids.” Cathy’s life was made so much more sweet and beautiful by the many who were around her, including my grandma.

    My aunt Cathy started losing her eyesight in her early teens, but she started having balance problems in High School. This caused Cathy to have to face some hard times during these vulnerable and sensitive years.

    Cathy was a strong-willed person with strong likes or things she LOVED. One thing she loved was singing, which she was good at. In High School she was in the choir and very much wanted to be on the Madrigals team. This group performed through song and dance. Cathy tried out, despite having slight balance problems, with high hopes of making the team. If you made the team, they would come by your house the next day, early in the morning, to take you to celebrate. They never came. She was heartbroken.

    Cathy continued singing many years after High school. She took singing lessons and loved it. As the disease progressed, her singing also declined since speech is affected by it. Despite this she insisted on continuing with her singing lessons, and she practiced religiously. She was not going to let this disease take away something she loved, so easily. There came a day when her teacher said that she could no longer teach Cathy because she had too many other students. Again, this broke her heart.

    In High School Cathy had many friends, even though the disease made her a little different. There were days though that she sat alone during lunch. My grandma worried about her walking to school by herself, since she had poor balance. For high school graduation she even bought herself some wedge shoes with a big heal. My grandma was amazed that she made it across the stage without falling. Cathy seemed determined to not let this disease change how she wanted to live.

    Cathy decided that she wanted to go to Ricks Collage after high school. She was going to go with some of her friends, but they ended up not being able to go. She decided that she still wanted to go by herself! This would be a very scary thing to do, especially for someone who could not see the board in class. When she got to Ricks, she had someone else sign her student ID card for her because she could not see the line of where to sign.   It was hard for my grandma to let her go, but she wanted her to have her independence as long as possible. I am amazed at Cathy’s courage and strong will.

    Ricks Collage is in Rexburg, Idaho. This is a small town that has very cold and snowy winters. Many of the sidewalks and roads become packed down slippery snow paths, and Cathy took her wedge high heels with her! It was going to be hard for her to walk on those slippery paths, and with those shoes, it seemed impossible. Amazingly she got along until one day she fell and could not get up. She had to wait for someone to help her up. This did not discourage her. It is amazing that she got along as well as she did, especially with her classes. She got good grades. She was able to complete a year of college at Ricks.

    When Cathy came home from college, she continued her university studies through home study classes. She was short only a couple of classes to graduate, but she was unable to finish because she could not see well enough to take the tests. Her strong will helped her to achieve so much despite her disabilities.

    Cathy was such an amazing and capable young woman, and she was also very pretty. She always dressed well too. She loved to wear beautiful clothes. She was teased about being the best dressed in the young single adult church ward she attended. This likely explains why she wore those high healed shoes, even though it was difficult for her to walk in them.

    She was able to get a job at a day care center. She loved kids. She greatly desired to marry and have many children. Here is what she said about this: “If and when I get married, I am going to the temple to be sealed for time and all eternity. Right after I get married, I want to start a family. I just love kids, and I want about 8 of them. I think life would be very unfulfilled without children. I want to be the best person that I can possibly be so that I can be the best mother that I can possibly be. So my children will have every chance in the world to rise to their potential so they can have a worthwhile life.” She loved taking care of kids, but as the disease progressed, she was no longer able to work at the day care. This job lasted for about a year.

    Then the woman who cut Cathy’s hair had her babysit her kids twice a week. She was able to do this for two more years, at which point her abilities declined such that she could not do this anymore. I am sure that ability was extremely hard for her to lose.  Her sister Caren said, “Her greatest desire was to be a wife and a mother, which I am sure was also her greatest sorrow.”

    Although, Cathy still held on to the hope of getting married. The members of the young single adults church ward that she attended were really good to her.  She made many really good friends there. Cathy very rarely missed any of the church meetings every Sunday or the other activities, of which there were many. The ward members would always pick her up and give her a ride. The boys were also very nice to her. My grandma said that whenever a boy was nice, she fell in love with him.

    unnamedEven when Cathy was in a wheelchair, she still wanted to be a part of all the activities. There was once a tomato picking service activity that she went to even though she could not pick the tomatoes. Another time, her friend Jane took her to a church dance. She took Cathy onto the dance floor and they danced. Jane pushed and spun her around to the fast beat music and accidentally tipped over the wheelchair, and Cathy spilled onto the floor. Jane felt terrible and was so embarrassed. With some help, they got Cathy back into her chair, and she exclaimed, “Lets do that again!” Good friends make life so much better.

    Like I said, Cathy had strong likes or things she LOVED, which she felt this way about many things at this point in her life. She LOVED the LDS young adult music and also the TV show “The Little House on the Prairie” She was an avid BYU and Boston Celtics fan. She even had a giant poster of Ty Detmer, a BYU football quarterback and a Heisman trophy winner, hung on her bedroom wall. She spent much of her time listening to and watching these things. Her friends once arranged for Ty to call her on her birthday! My grandma said that when he called, Cathy was so star-struck that she did not know what to say. Ty did all the talking. This made Cathy so happy!

    Her friends also arranged for many of the LDS young adult singers that Cathy just adored to meet her one night for another one of her birthdays. They took her to Lex de Azevedos’ house (he did the recordings for these artists). These singers were all going to be there. When Cathy and her friends drove up to the house, one of the male singers that Cathy loved came and introduced himself. She couldn’t believe it was him. She met with all the other singers, and she was in awe the whole night. They even had a birthday cake for her. My grandma said that she talked about this forever and ever.

    The disease continued to progress, and Cathy’s friends continued to make her life much more sweet and full. Cathy got to where she needed help eating. Her friends would come to her house and help feed her! I think this is amazing. Not only did she have a hard time feeding herself, but it was also getting harder to swallow properly. This caused her to choke often on her food. It was scary when this happened because she also had a hard time coughing properly. When she would choke, she would cough loud, violent and unproductive coughs. Sometimes she would even need the Heimlich or would start to vomit. During this time, a couple that was engaged came often to help Cathy. The boy was particularly concerned about her choking. Once when he was feeding her dessert, Cathy reassured him by telling him, “I never choke on dessert!” She really loved her desserts!

    This same engaged couple was very good to Cathy. They took her many places and even made her a big part of their wedding. They knew she had a great desire to marry and would not have that opportunity in this life, so they tried to share some of their happiness with her. They had Cathy in most of their wedding photos. This was a very kind thing to do. When Cathy was in college she took a sewing class. She made a baby quilt and gave it to this girlfriend who stayed in contact with my grandma over the years. She told her that the baby quilt has been used by all her children and is very worn with love.

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    Another part of Cathy’s life that she felt deeply about and had a strong will to live was the gospel of Jesus Christ. She had a very strong testimony of it. She was dedicated in her callings. She served as a primary teacher for young children several times, even after she was completely blind. My grandma would read and record her lessons onto a tape recorder each week, and Cathy would listen to, memorize and then teach it on Sunday. Also, she loved General Conference. Even Fast Sundays were important to her. She would wait 24 hours – down to the minute – before she would eat.  Her membership in the LDS church was very important to her.

    This is what Cathy said, “I have been a member of the Church [of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints] all of my life. The Church is the most important thing in my life. Without it I would be totally lost. What I want more than anything else is to be valiant in the gospel and to become a Christlike person, so that I can achieve my greatest goal – exaltation.”

    Cathy began to struggle with depression and anxiety. She tried some antidepressants, and after a bit, they stopped working. She then tried another and the same thing happened. It got really bad. She was so anxious at night that my grandma would move all the furniture to the walls, and Cathy would scoot on her bottom around the floor, all night long. This was in the 80’s, and it was difficult to figure out the best medicine for Cathy. It was a very trying time.

    She contracted pneumonia really bad. They took her to the hospital, and she was given very strong antibiotics. She was out of her mind most of the time. Everyone thought she was not going to make it. Miraculously, she survived and started to recover. Her doctor was very impressed with her. He said, “Boy, I would love to meet her on the other side because she has sure got a strong will.” He said that one time he was talking about Cathy possibly dying to the nurses while in the room, and, “She sure got wide awake and fighting when she heard me say that.” Cathy still had a will to live.

    Cathy had to go into a nursing home, since she still needed a lot of care. This made her scared. Being blind and having nothing familiar around you can be a very scary thing. My grandma did not like having her there. She was still struggling with depression and anxiety so with all the drugs they were trying, again she was often not mentally present. My grandma brought her home when things stabilized some. She had to do so much for Cathy that she was not able to leave the house and was getting very little sleep. At this time my grandma was also taking care of my grandpa, whose health was also worsening. Given my grandma was having such a hard time taking care of Cathy, my grandpa and herself, she ended up taking Cathy back to the nursing home (against her desire).

    Shortly after returning to the nursing home, Cathy got pneumonia again. She was already so weak from this disease that my grandma asked the doctors not to give her any antibiotics. My mom,Cindee, and Aunt Caren came to be with Cathy and to help my grandpa, so my grandma could spend more time with Cathy at the end. During this time, my grandpa fell. The paramedics came and said that he had to go to the hospital. My grandma had to go with my grandpa while they figured out what was wrong. At this same time, my mom and Caren, along with several others, were with Cathy when her heart stopped beating. They called my grandma to tell her that Cathy had died. She immediately left the hospital to say her goodbyes to Cathy at the nursing home.

    Right after they called, Cathy started breathing again. She would take several breaths, then stop for a minute and then start breathing again and so on. It was like she was trying really hard to hold on. Her sisters tried to reassure her that it was OK to go, but she kept on. When my grandma arrived they told her that Cathy was still alive and holding on with what little life she had left. My grandma took her hand and hugged her. She told her it was OK for her to go and see Chris and Don and that Heavenly Father was waiting for her. Cathy then stopped breathing and she was gone.

    My grandma had done so much to take care of Cathy. It was so sweet for them to have that moment together before she left.

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    Cathy was a bright example to so many. She had great courage and did many hard things. She was so faithful to God.  She had a positive attitude. When someone asked her what she felt about having this disease, she said, “Everyone has problems, this is just mine.”  She was truly a beautiful woman.

    cathy

     

    Next post:  Grandpa Paul–Final Story

  • When It Rains, It Pours!

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    Sometimes life can be hard…and then it gets harder.  This is the case with SCA 7.  Yet, there is still joy and happiness to be had.  In the Sermon on the Mount our Savior said, “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).  My grandparents were comforted, and their comfort came in small and simple, yet powerful ways.

    In the two years following Don’s death, my grandparents faced two more very difficult trials.

    The first  trial was the loss of my grandpa’s job with the Air Force. It is like he said, “The Air Force does not want pilots that cannot see and talk.”  He was medically retired.  My grandparents did not know how they were going to support themselves.  They knew the Air Force would give them money for retirement, but they did not know if it would be enough. My grandpa was doubtful he would find another job because of his present disabilities. Moreover, his health continued to decline; his future health was uncertain.  Perhaps my grandma could have gone to work, but it would have been hard.  These were scary times.

    The second trial was that my grandma started to suffer from rheumatoid arthritis.  This affliction is when your immune system attacks your joints.  It causes joint pain, swelling and stiffness along with fatigue and muscle pain.  My grandma would not have another day in her life without pain.  Through the years this disease caused her hands and feet to  deform. unnamed This and the loss of my grandpa’s job came within a few years of Don’s death.  Grandma had to carry such heavy burdens and rheumatoid arthritis on top of it all.  To me, it just seems like too much, but she faced this disease with such strength and grace.  She very rarely complained and kept a positive attitude.  My husband and I lived with my grandma for a few months once, and we never knew that she was in pain because she never said anything about it. Only in an occasional wince as she stood up or sat down could we see it in her eyes.  To endure intense family trials while living in pain all the time and stay positive is such a remarkable feat.  My grandma truly is an awe-inspiring  person.

    Despite all that my grandparents had to endure while living in Nebraska, they did have good memories there too.  Good memories together as a family and with their friends.  A part of their lives that is important to mention is their unselfish service to others.  This is something they spent a lot of time doing throughout their lives, especially while living in Nebraska.  My grandma obviously spent a lot of her time caring for Chris and Don along with their other children.  She was also a great cook and a skilled seamstress.  She sewed most of their clothes along with their Halloween costumes and Easter dresses.

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    Matching Family
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    Easter Dresses
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    Halloween Costumes

    They also served a lot in their church.  My grandpa had served in the Bishopric and my grandma as the Primary and then Relief Society president.  Anyone that is a member of the LDS church knows that these callings take many, many hours of service.  All callings in our church are completely unpaid and voluntary.  One example of the time and service she gave is when she served as Relief Society president.  At this time, local Relief Societies had to raise their own money.  My grandma helped to organize bazaars where she and the other women would make home-made items to sell.  She and my grandpa made many good friends in their ward.  I mention this not to brag but to make the point that in this very hard and trying time in their lives, they had much joy and happiness in great measure because of their service to others.  I feel like their service was a great comfort to their broken and heavy hearts.

    They eventually had to say goodbye to all their friends in Nebraska since they decided to retire in Bountiful, Utah.  Both their families lived in nearby Salt Lake City, and this is where they grew up.  It was like coming home.  My grandpa got a job with the State where he worked in the Department of Social Services.  He was in charge of the Welfare computer systems.  He was able to do this job since he had gained computer skills while working in the Air Force.  He still had enough eyesight to see well enough to do this. Thankfully, they were able to support themselves, and it worked out.

    However, my grandparents again had to face two more very difficult trials. The second was particularly painful!

    First, my grandpa was only able to work for the Social Services department for around six years at which point his eyesight and health had become too bad.  He retired, and he would not have another job for the rest of his life.  Fortunately, his retirement was enough to support them.

    cathySecond, my aunt Cathy, the third of the four living sisters, failed a school eye test.  She was around 15 years old.  They took her to an eye doctor, and just like her dad, her vision could not be helped with glasses or surgery.  This was a very big shock!  Cathy was beginning to have the same problems as her dad!  This was not good!

    They began to put the pieces of the puzzle together.  They knew that my grandpa inherited this disease from his dad, but they were unsure if it was going pass onto their children.  Was this what had caused the deaths of Chris and Don? Worst of all, did their other children have this disease too?  Their biggest fears were beginning to happen.  My grandma said that from this point on she worried all the time about her other children showing signs of this disease.

    Here are her words: “Naturally I began to ask, ‘Why us?’  We just couldn’t understand why our family had to have this strange disease that nobody knew much about.”

    I interviewed my grandma when I was in college, so I could record all these stores in her own words.  When she said that she had asked, “Why us?”, I remember thinking, “Is that it?  Shouldn’t it be more like, “How could God make my family suffer so much!?”  I already knew most of these stories and what was to come.  I also knew, in part, how incredibly hard it was going to get.  There had been times throughout my own life when I felt so angry with God.  It deeply hurt to watch  my mom, aunt, cousins, and sister struggle so much from this disease.  It seemed to never end, and I felt like it was way too much!  But I remember being surprised at how calm and not angry my grandma was about it all.  I knew that she too felt the deep heartache of seeing her family struggle, even more so than me. Yet she was not angry with God, nor did she doubt His love and care for her.  To me it was like she had not doubted God throughout her entire life.  It was incredible!

    Despite all the hardships that defined her life, she was happy.  She was anything but a grouchy old woman…although she had every right to be.  She was so peaceful and calm and deeply happy.  Visits with her were so pleasant, and you could feel her love for you.  Her home had a spirit of peace and joy.

    This is why I chose the picture at the beginning of this post.  It is pouring rain, but it is not all dark and dreary.  There is brightness, and it is beautiful. This is my grandma’s life.

    My grandma’s example has greatly influenced me. Her uncomplaining positive attitude and undoubting faith are two qualities that I want to emulate.  She has gone through so much and faced it valiantly.  She found true happiness.  I see such greatness in her.

    My grandma passed away this month.  Her grand reunion in Paradise makes me so happy.  I especially love the thought of her hugging my mom, SCA 7 free! Here are her words from an interview almost a decade ago: “I look forward to the time to when I can be together with my family again and with my Heavenly Father and Savior. What a glorious day that will be!”scan0001

    Next Post:  Aunt Cathy